do you have a…

it seems it is at least once every restaurant shift that i get asked a “do you have a…” question.  “do you have a bathroom?” is, of course, the most common, particularly as a host.  why, no sir, we don’t have a bathroom.  we’re violating health code in order to save a few bucks on plumbing, toilet paper, stuff like that.  not sure why the health inspectors always manage to overlook it, but it’s worked well for us so far!  we do have a tree in front if you think you can be descreet, but no, no bathroom.

i enjoy “do you know where the bathroom is?” almost as much.  well, no, actually, i don’t know where the bathroom is.  i clearly work here, yet choose to never use the bathroom while working.  i always make sure to go before, then hold it throughout my 8-10 hour shift.  for some reason, i haven’t just happened to walk by it, either, though i know it’s here somewhere.  maybe i could help you look?

last night it was “do you have a dessert menu?” as i was clearing entree plates.  nope, no dessert menu.  we’re obviously a classy place where you’ve just eaten a thirty dollar entree full of truffles, yet we’ve decided to forgo desserts.  you just ate a half a pound of butter in your mashed yukon golds, after all, so we’re really just looking out for the health of your heart.  yes, we know we could eke nine more dollars out of you, but we’ve just decided not to.

even if he was pretty sure we had a dessert menu, wouldn’t it be fairly likely that someone would bring him one now that the entrees were gone?  i thought that was pretty standard procedure…


~ by patmybutter on February 16, 2008.

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